Kelly's Writing Page

Fall Busyness

2006-11-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

Well ... good news! At my last post, I mentioned how the doctors told me that I had to lose weight. Well, I went to see them again in October, and yes, I lost some weight. Since my visit in July, I lose 18.7 pounds. I was happy. They were happy. My parents were happy, and I was happy. The doctor at the QEII in Halifax then proceeded to tell me of the problems with my heart ....

1.) The right side is significantly enlarged
2.) There is even more leakage than before
3.) One of the tubes leading into the heart is narrowed
4.) The patch needs repairing ...

So, in other words, I still have to concentrate on losing weight. It's been a battle. Some weeks I won't lose or gain anything, and some weeks I'll gain a pound, but to date, overall, since that first dire visit in July, I've lost 32 pounds. I am so excited. It's not that noticable (though bless his heart, one of the guys that I play poker with asked me recently if I've lost weight ... :) ), and the big teller will be on December 23RD. At that time I'll be heading over to Ottawa for Christmas and visiting my older sister. She doesn't believe that I've made a life time commitment to losing the weight, but she will see ... especially if I lose another 20 pounds!!! :)

The next day, I went to see a doctor in Halifax about a diagnosis for having Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). The diagnosis came back affirmative, and it's a relief on my mind to finally know for sure. I wasn't that worried, after all, my mother is knowledgable on the subject, but just the having of an official diagnosis is helpful in cutting through the red tape at applying for study grants and such.

Another good piece of news ... I've met up with a Mrs. Lorna Kirk (based in Halifax), and we are going to be working on a year long documentry on FASD.
As I know next to nothing about video cameras, she is going to start teaching me how to use a disposable camera, then work my way up to a digital camera. So, now only will I be in the documentry, I will be part of the interview and filming process. This will be an incredible opportunity!

I haven't done that much writing lately as I have been completing my On-the-Job training with Children's Wish here in PEI. I've edited my chapter that I've written for Alpha Omega though. Made some formatting and other changes, much better than before ... have started on chapter II, but not sure where that is going to go.

Anyway ...

Cheers!

Summer Busyness

2006-08-29T13:52:00.001-07:00

Well, so much has happened. It's been an incredible whirlwind of good luck, anticipation, and now it is almost over. Since I last posted, I've been hired for an awesome position, I've moved back home, and I'm working towards losing weight and adding up the kms with the walking.

For starters, I quit my customer service representative position at Resolve Corporation. While the job itself was semi okay, the company itself didn't seem to realize what us CSRs had to deal with. Working there for over a year and a half, it's understandable that not everyone is made out to work in a call center environment. Looking back, I remember feeling justified that at around the time I quit, a lot of other people had quit, and Resolve had to do a complete major overhaul of its employees. It will be interesting to see how things work out. Call centers can be great places to work at, but for the long permanent term, call center managers must realize that CSRs will only take so much for any length of time, and eventually, they won't be able to hire such huge amounts of staff, because everyone in the vicinity will have already worked there. But anyways, that's my piece on the subject. Moving onwards ...

And the reason for my defection at Resolve Corporation, I was hired through the Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work to work as their Research Coordinator here in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. The project that I'm working on is entitled "Youth Ability in Skilled Trades". This incredible position is my first 'adult' job. Given the chance to network across Canada (with all of the other research coordinators), I was able to finally put my Bachelor of Arts degree into good use. Not bad. Ten months after graduating from UPEI, and six months into my Holland College Program, I get this research position. I lost a month from my Holland College program, but as I have my UPEI degree, I feel confident that the month lost will not hurt me. I will always be getting upgrading in my education. Eventually, I hope to get my Masters in Creative Writing.

I recently went to Halifax, Nova Scotia to get checked out by my doctors at the QEII Hospital. There, I was given a severe warning to lose weight as in October, I will be needing to see them to see when I need to go through an Open Heart Surgery. The first two months, while I was still living in town, I didn't do all that much in my diet or walking. I wasn't accepting what the doctors had said. I thought everything would be alright. As it happens, I moved back home, and since moving back home, I've had family making sure I don't waste any more time. Now that I've gotten back into the walking routine, I've clocked around 123kms since the beginning of August.

Well, that's all that's new right now. Nothing much else to report. I'm still single, doing a little bit of writing (working on a children's series right now), and oh yes, I recently won at a weekly poker night I go to with some guys. :)

Cheers!

Spring Busyness ...

2006-04-13T05:56:00.000-07:00

Well ... It's been interesting the last few weeks. A lot of stuff have been happening now that all of that white stuff has melted and disappeared ... knock on wood ...

Let's see ...

On March 28TH, I did a Fetal Alcohol Syndrom Disorder(FASD) Presentation. Spoke in front of about 200 people, thank god I wasn't the only one presenting. Rather nervous for about the first ten minutes. Spoke for 35, so it all seemed to work out. :) Was approached by two other people to do more presentations.

Through this presentation, I was invited to participate as a board member on the FASD Provincial Advisory Group. My first meeting was yesterday, the 11th, and it went very well. Of course, I can't remember all of the names, but, I do know that in the future, we are going to start making some wonderful changes for those that have FASD. As I have FASD, it is great to see this support and the ideas that are happening through this support. Personally, I had a network of people growing up that helped me through FASD, but not everyone is as lucky as I am, so, lets hope this support can get the ball rolling and provide resources for those needing them. If wanting more information, contact me at writer_KMason@hotmail.com.

Cheers.

Holland College Creative Writing Club

2006-02-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

So, I started a new club, and I am so excited. I have never started anything like this before, and I'm hoping against hope that it will succeed. The club, Holland College's Creative Writing Club is something I have always wanted to do. So, in December of 2005, I met with Student Services and approached them with this initiative since there hadn't been anything of that nature created in the College.

To date, we've had three meetings, and the ideas and suggestions are gaining interest. It's incredible, an absolute high to have created this! I will be posting our work on this blog page very soon. :)

Mothers

2005-09-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

Always knowing when they are needed.
Loving and strong.
Even in the face of childish angst and strife.
They are the ones that know you best.
Your constant companion.
No matter where you are.
No matter what your mistakes are.
You always wonder if some day, you'll ever be like her.
You can only hope,
That when you become a mother,
You'll be as good at it as she is.

The Night Owl - An Introduction

2005-09-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

Wandering through the nights of the cold winter fortified his despair and set his sanity on edge. He knew that he wasn’t normal, and he knew that he must continue in his search. For it is only with his search and the completion of that search that he would find the one that would grant him absolution. He needed, no, he desired that absolution. For too long he had lived with the knowledge of the sins in his past. In his varied multiple pasts. He had lived for far too long and the sanctity of inner peace within him had long since been soiled, tarnished, weakened, and banished from the stronghold that most would take for granted. Daily he paid homage to the gods that would be in charge of cleansing and prepping his soul for its final destination.

And as he got older, not wiser, or younger, but older, the stench of time and failure wrapped their twin cloaks of darkness around him and he had no other choice but to finally just wait. Waiting for that absolution that might never come. But then, in a flash of white blinding purity, a gem of knowledge was given to him. He didn’t remember what the bargaining price had been. The relief of the knowledge given to him had been like that of a final drink of water to a dying man alone in a scorching abyss of a desert. He treasured and guarded his knowledge, until finally, he bore the fruit of that knowledge and finally understood what peace really was. He had to have her. For she was his only hope. And yet, she continued to dodge his pursuit.

She never really knew what she fled from. She never knew what it was that constantly lurked in her nightmares and her darkest fantasies. She had no idea that she had lived through several lifetimes, and that she would continue to live through several more. He was relentless in his pursuit of her, and yet, something always came between them. Just when their relationship would finally eradicate the darkness smothering his soul and his heart, something drove them further apart.

And he was desperate.

God he was desperate.

But soon,

Ah soon.

His time would come.

The wheel of time would stop relentlessly turning and spinning.

And he would have his triumphant moment in the history and course of
time.

And then he stepped forward… towards … inexorably close to the brink of
hell, and he mocked the others that had fallen in. He taunted them with the idea of his release from their clutches. And they howled and hurled obscenities at him. Hurling fire and brimstone in his direction, causing him to wonder if perhaps they knew what he knew, but that couldn’t be. And they failed to inflict him with the damning ills and diseases that inflicted them in their own stench filled failures.

The night was old, with the moon hanging over head knowing that the
night could get older, and colder. The stars were dancing and a light breeze fluttered amidst the creatures of the night. Leaves swirled and tossed like pieces of flotsam and jetsam, finding purchase when they curled up underneath the homeless that had settled in for the night. Whispers of revelry sauntered past the midnight hour, accustomed to be heard at all hours of the night. Groups of women and men stained with liquor and promises of sweet nothings danced and mingled, unaware that their time would come. And he waited for the night to relinquish its stranglehold on him, for right before the dawn, was the time when he was free.

He lurked in the hidden corners, dodging the vagrants and the homeless with a practiced ease that belied his penchance for knowing that his time was running out. He had to be in place for when his time came, for, if he wasn't he would miss this opportunity. For many nights he had plotted and waited, and now, when the night was at its oldest was the time for when his deeds could be accomplished.

A hand grasped his ankle as he turned the corner and he looked down, momentarily halted in his mission.

"What is it old woman?"

"The passing of the day into the night leaves you free. But the duties you must undergo will ensnare you once more. Forget the meaning of the Old Man in the Moon, and remember that you shalt live forever more in another time, and in another place. Beware of those that you seek, beware of those that shall find you, and in time, even you will be free forever more, but do not forget the one in your past whom you have tried to forget."

He shrugged off the old woman’s warnings and told himself that she was just one of the crazy homeless needing to feel important and wanted. He had known many more of her kind, for society wasn’t good to those who couldn’t keep up with the flow. And for a time he wandered.

And during the remaining stillness of the night he continues to lurk.

Hidden in the forgotten alleys.

Shrouded by a cloak ripped and stained with blood and sweat.

Miserably he shuffles aimlessly.

Never sure of his destination.

But he knows that he is a lurker.

And that he has to be silent.

Until the day,

And then would he be able to rest.

He hated sleeping or resting,

For that left him vulnerable to the wiles of chance and fate which often found him then.

So he, the night owl, lurks and stays awake, and always on the move.

Nightmares, ever present, keep him company.

His weak mind taunted him with the many voices that he has known, saved, damned, and killed.

His face stained and etched with old and new scars each one a testament to his body’s struggle to live.

He wanted to die.

But he didn’t have the guts to do that final act.

Hanging onto his existence made him curse the insane gods which had a hold on his life.

Wearlessly he shuffled out of one forlorn alley and into another. And the scent of fear and warm blood reached and tantalized him. Startled he stopped his lurking and looked ahead of him.

There, in the valley of the alley were two figures and he abruptly took in the colors:

The long red hair of the woman.
The silver hair of the man.
The blood on a curved knotched blade highlighted in the darkness by a sudden flash of lightening.

The sounds that he heard:

The harsh staccato grunts of the man as he leaned over the woman.
The whimpering pleas from the woman.

Then the knifed edged closer to the woman and something snapped in him.

Forgetting his desire for annonimity, he leaped forward.

Deflecting the knife with his arms.

Grappling with the man.

Ordering the woman to run.

Realizing that the woman was still and silent.

Sweaty punches and gurgling raspy curses.

Heavy breathing.

And the knife bit into him and he knew that he would get yet another scar.

“No more.” He rasped.

And his fingers wrapped around the man’s neck and he pleaded to forget.
And the knife fell into the alley, bouncing off of the woman and burrowing itself into a dark dank corner, hidden.

And he squeezed the breath and life out of the man, sobing.

Why him?

Why him?

Oh God, why him?

This could only go wrong for him.

He didn’t know the woman he was saving.

He didn’t know the man he was killing.

But they knew him.

Both of them now linked to him.

And the blood trickled out of the woman.

And the blood flowed down his arms.

And he looked at the man.

At the dying torment from the bulging eyes and the now limp arms dangling at his sides.

With a harsh grunt he threw the man away from him, not caring where he landed, looking behind him and down, he was startled to see that her eyes were open.

“Thank-you. Who are you?” She asked him.

And in a moment of weakness, he replied,
“Emanual. The Night Owl.”

White Rose in Scarlet Mode

2005-09-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

And when the girl first awakens.
A blush colors her skin, making her glow.
The feelings of passion and love, so longed for, now tentatively known.
Her innocence swept away, her virtue retained, and yet, she is still naive.
She feels, innocently of course, that true love is something impossible to attain.
But now, now that she knows a little of what passion and love could mean to her, the idea of love startles her.
And she now knows, that for her to completely experience love and to love a man explicitly, makes her feel that she will be losing a self that has been the only self that she had ever known.
But her experience with love and with passion, that knowledge that she had craved, now creates a change within her. No longer just a girl, an innocent, she is a woman.
Willing to barter for that sweet knowledge of passion and love.
And to do that, she knows that she must recreate herself, and embrace a whole new identity.
One capable of experiencing, receiving and giving of passion and love.
That until now, that type of woman she has always wanted to be, she has only known of her in her dreams.

Goddess of the Sea

2005-08-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

And as the waters pulsate with life,
She stands watch.
Her powers and beauty providing a haven to all she guards.
The serenity on her face glows with the secret knowledge of the dolphins.
And as they frolic and play, she is ever watchful.
Their protector.
Their guardian.

Peace

2005-08-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

Fragile and strong.

The sound of peace beats through the fabric of time.

Only to be torn apart. Time and again.

Needlessly and selfishly by those who think they know better.

While the cry for peace lingers in dreams.

While the cry for peace trembles in nightmares.

Peace will never reign supreme unless we acknowledge its necessity.

Fathers

2005-08-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

Forever strong.
Always there.
No matter what.
Even when not.
And when they are old.
And you finally know them.
You wish you could take back the time.
Relearn them by heart.

Return to Innocence

2005-08-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

And as the world collapses within itself,
Society folds within, embracing all.
Renegades no longer, the banished rejoice.
Crime and weapons no longer exist.
A false reality perhaps?
Or a return to innocence?
The joys of knowing and cherishing peace.
Of acknowledging that we are not the only ones in the world.
That the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.
Though without the one, the many can not exist.
And as time stands still,
Humanity takes a deep cleansing breath.
Enjoying the serenity of peace.
Is this return to innocence possible?

An Introduction ... To Me ...

2005-08-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Now that you've had time to read some of my writing, and a little bit about me through my profile, I'd figure it was time to introduce myself.

Okay ... here's the long boring story of me ...

I was born in 1978, just a decade short of being able to join the hippie movement. Someone told me once before, that if I had been born a few years earlier, I would have made a perfect hippie. What that means, I don't really know. So, is that a compliment or not?

Due to the drinking behaviour of my birth mother, I was born with many complications. Both health and learning wise. At age 3, I had an open heart surgery to place a patch over the hole in the middle of my heart. The year being 1981, I believe that my surgery was one of the first ones. At least, in Canada. I had a host of medical problems, primarily with my heart, and ears. I had tubes put in both ears. And now, my doctors are telling me that it is only a matter of time before I have another open heart surgery. Realistically, open heart surgeries today would be much better than the ones performed in 1981, however, I am terrified of the idea of going through another operation. To combat this early possibility(and changing it to much later in the future), I am working on losing my weight. Excess weight is hard on my heart, and with excess weight, the recovery time after an operation is longer. So ... I'm going to Curves, eating less fast food, doing more exercise, and keeping in mind that an operation could be just around the corner.

The idea of having an operation now scares me to death. I mean, I am only now just starting my life. I know that doesn't make sense. But, to me, this time in my life is when I am finally focusing on me. I am doing the things that I should have started doing seven or even eight years ago. I finally moved out of my parents' place, and I am getting along better with most of my family.

The only thing I'm going to regret, is that, I've never had the joy of experiencing love and passion. I doubt I will truly get to feel the full magnitude of those two emotions. For, I have fetal alcohol syndrome*. With that syndrome, I have always been shy around people. I know that I have always been different. I mean, I don't drink, don't smoke, don't go to bars, don't party, and I work better with people who are older than I am, then with people my own age.

* fetal alcohol syndromen. Abbr. FAS
A pattern of birth defects occurring as a result of excessive alcohol consumption by the mother during pregnancy and characterized by growth retardation, cranial, facial, or neural abnormalities, and developmental disabilities. (taken from dictionary.com this is a very general definition)

I have often seen people around me having their lifes accelerated to the point where every step I take to one of theirs, one of yours, I am falling behind by three or four steps. Treading water constantly, trying to keep afloat. Society is never kind to those that don't know how to go with the flow.

Getting my Bachelor of Arts degree after eight years of attending the University of Prince Edward Island, is something that my family and I have concentrated on since my parents knew that I had fetal alcohol syndrome. It's been a long haul and battle, but I've done that. Now, I've been accepted in the Legal Secretarial Diploma course at Holland College, and with the combination of these two, I'll be set for life. Breaking down all the statistics that surround those fighting everyday with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Peace Out

Nightmares

2005-08-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what would ever happen if nightmares were reality? In some ways, we are already living through many of our nightmares. Wars, fighting, diseases, crime etc, are living nightmares. I wonder what would happen if all of our nightmares had an off switch, and if we all hit that off switch at the same time? Would peace reign supreme, or would we fall back on what we have been doing for centuries?

Peace Out.

Poetry Log - Past Scribblings Part II

2005-08-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

" Return to Sender "

My soul is lost, can't you see?
Do you think there is such a thing as a 'Lost and Found' for lost souls?
Would anyone return a soul which is pure?
Or would they try and mold it with their own?
I lost mine ages ago.
Can't remember what I did to lose it.
But I felt the change.
Right and wrong are no longer clear in their set patterns of black and white.

My soul is lost, can you help me find it?
Your soul is lost too?
How did you lose it?
Through murder or white lies?
Through cheating, stealing, or double wheeling?
You can tell me, can't you?
I mean, you and me, we are in the same boat.
Both of our souls are lost.
Lost in a world where lost souls don't get the stamp of 'Return to Sender'.

"Time-Line"

Travelling towards a future.
Destination unknown.
Hesitant.
The past is much safer.
Mistakes already made and known.
Knowledge is power.
And the fear lingers.
As you are relentlessly pushed ahead.
In a time-line where you have no control.
And though you travel forward,
You drag your past with you,
Like a security blanket.

"The Black Knight"

As the midnight moon wept,
He lingered through the crevices of human suffering.
Prolonging the pain.
And the terror.
Drawing out life.
Breeding sin.
And when the midnight moon ran out of tears,
And the stars ceased their wordless dance.
He shuffled into the last bit of darkness he could find.
And as humanity came out of slumber, he slept.
Knowing that the night will always return.

"Sunset Paradise"

Relinquishing time.
Content to look.
Feasting upon the myriad of colors.
The glorious golden yellow bleeding into the oranges and reds.
Slowly darkening.
Creating new colors.
New passions.
New life.

Poetry Log - Past Scribblings

2005-08-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

"Alone in the Darkness"

Fear is held at tentative bay.
Body held still and wrapped in sheets stained with terror.
Walls plain, stern, and unyielding.

I know that I am alone.
In this strange darkness of the night.
I could scream and scream.
No one would really hear me.

And in the darkness, a scalpel looms above me.
He's cutting me open.
Taking out my heart.

And I'm screaming.
Forever alone.

"Bliss"

The taste of a cherry - exotic, dark and enticing.
The feel of the morning sun - golden warm, and life affirming.
The scent of rain-washed wind - newly fresh, pure and innocent.
The sight of happiness - freedom true, and strong gathering.
The hearing of peace - always ours, now and forever.

"Columbia's Legacy" - February 01st, 2003

Reaching for the elusive heavens,
Seven soaring souls fell,
Burning trails of strong hope and passion,
Seven soaring souls fought,
Their mission for future's exploration,
Their trip home cut short by the cruelty of fate.

But far beyond our mortal reach.

Once within mankind's grasp,
Silver-lined and garnished with angels' wings,
Space: our inheritance,
Forever challenging us,
And forcing us to dream.
To dream of the impossible.

To boldly accomplish so much more.

And touching that dream,
Frees us from our Earth,
And sets us freer,
To pursue our celestial beginnings.

"Fallen Angels"

Celestial beings twisted by evil.
Failing God's judgement.
Kicked out of heaven by Christ.
Plummeting down to earth.
Now stripped of their immortality.
Returning now to their bounded and damning mortality.
Never again able to return to their beloved paradise.
Banished forever from the pearly gates of heaven.
Until judgement day.
When all shall be judged.
And all shall acknowledged the One.

"Forget-You-Not"

Like falling shimmering glass, the mirror image of you in my mind's eye threatens to dash itself into oblivion.

Forget-You-Not -- Though I May Try.

During the passage of time, the mirror image of you in my mind's eye loses its shine, and your image becomes watery and distorted.
Forget-You-Not -- Like A Stone Skipping Water.

Like the seductive voice of past lovers, the memory of your voice lurks in places I dare not travel alone.

Forget-You-Not -- While I Try To Resist Your Echoes.

During the passage of time, cracks form in your taunting image and I vainly try to remember why I am trying so hard to forget you.

Forget-You-Not -- Do I Not Want To Forget You?